


It was nothing (it was everything)

by Heath17_KO5



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Background Preath - Freeform, F/F, Pining, Soran - Freeform, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 16:34:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21497149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heath17_KO5/pseuds/Heath17_KO5
Summary: It’s just a stupid kiss.It’s just a stupid night getting too drunk in a hotel room with her teammates.It’s just a stupid dare because apparently they’re still twelve.It doesn’t mean anything.That’s what Sonny tells herself over and over again as she leans in.That’s what she tells herself as she lets her eyes fall closed just before their lips meet.That’s what she tells herself when her entire body floods with warmth just from Lindsey’s lips, a little wet, a little sweet, pressed to hers.That’s what she tells herself as she pulls away, a blush heating her cheeks uncomfortably.That’s what she tells herself as she settles back in the circle, her back against Mal’s bed, and asks Rose to hand her the flask.That’s what she tells herself as Kelley catches her eye across the circle and raises her eyebrows in a question that Sonny does NOT want to answer.It’s just a dare.It’s just a kiss.It doesn’t mean anything.
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett, Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 13
Kudos: 281





	It was nothing (it was everything)

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short oneshot and then it ended up at 10K words. Oh well. I hope you all enjoy. If you do, please leave me a comment! They fuel my writing!  
Thanks to Kat for the title.  
xx

It’s just a stupid kiss. 

It’s just a stupid night getting too drunk in a hotel room with her teammates. 

It’s just a stupid dare because apparently they’re still twelve. 

It doesn’t mean anything. 

That’s what Sonny tells herself over and over again as she leans in. 

That’s what she tells herself as she lets her eyes fall closed just before their lips meet. 

That’s what she tells herself when her entire body floods with warmth just from Lindsey’s lips, a little wet, a little sweet, pressed to hers. 

That’s what she tells herself as she pulls away, a blush heating her cheeks uncomfortably. 

That’s what she tells herself as she settles back in the circle, her back against Mal’s bed, and asks Rose to hand her the flask. 

That’s what she tells herself as Kelley catches her eye across the circle and raises her eyebrows in a question that Sonny does NOT want to answer. 

It’s just a dare. 

It’s just a kiss. 

It doesn’t mean anything. 

  
  


It’s not weird the next day. It could be. Maybe it should be. But it’s not. It didn’t mean anything. Lindsey kissed Mal, too. Sonny kissed Sammy. 

None of it meant anything. 

(Sonny didn’t want to lie in bed tossing and turning. She didn’t want one kiss to replay in her mind over another. She didn’t ask for this.)

It’s a recovery day and then they have a travel day and nothing is weird and everything is fine. 

Lindsey squeals as she climbs in the ice bath with Sonny and Rose and curses under her breath. Lindsey laughs as her eyes meet Sonny’s without any sign of hesitation. 

“Denver girl can’t handle the cold?” Sonny teases because it’s easy and it just comes out and none of this is weird. 

Lindsey flips her off and splashes the freezing cold water at her, and Sonny flinches and inhales sharply and Rose laughs and everything is completely normal. 

They kissed and it was just a dare and they were drunk and it didn’t mean anything. 

Nothing at all. 

  
  


Lindsey sits next to her on the plane. They’re heading home. 

Tobin is already stretched out in her seat, headphones on, eyes closed. 

AD is texting with Emily and being ridiculously adorable and in love. 

Lindsey sits next to Sonny and they play tic tac toe until Lindsey accuses her of cheating. 

They play hangman and Sonny can’t think of any words that aren’t “kissing” or “mistake” or “nothing” so she settles for “airplane” and Lindsey teases her for having such an obvious word when she only gets the head of the hangman drawn before she’s figured it out. 

Lindsey puts socks on the hangman before Sonny manages to work out that the words are “four stars” and then Lindsey gives her a hard time about  _ that _ . 

“Whatever. E is the most common letter in the english language and yours didn’t even have an e,” Sonny retorts. 

“Or a g, or an m, or a b, or a c, or-”

Sonny puts her hand over Lindsey’s mouth to shut her up, and she sticks out her tongue at Lindsey, and Lindsey laughs, and everything is fine.

Everything is normal. 

Nothing has changed. 

They kissed and then they didn’t and life goes on and it didn’t mean anything. 

  
  


“You’re being weird,” Caitlin accuses. 

Sonny raises an eyebrow at her. “You’re being weird,” she shoots back. 

She isn’t being weird. She’s been very careful to not be weird. 

There’s nothing to be weird about. 

“You haven’t been on instagram,” Caitlin follows up. 

Sonny rolls her eyes. “I don’t actually live on social media, you know,” she points out. 

“You kind of do,” Ellie counters. 

She gives them a look that says, “Really? Both of you? Do you have to gang up on me?” 

Ellie shrugs. “What? It’s true.”

Sonny looks to Lindsey for support. 

Lindsey shrugs. “You haven’t posted a story since we were at camp.”

“Well excuse me for living in the moment,” Sonny retorts, sticking out her tongue at them and pouring herself a glass of wine. “Here I thought maybe my friends would be HAPPY that I was spending less time attached to my phone.”

“Nah,” Caitlin replies. “Now you talk to us more.” 

“Besides, we were only using you for the instagram exposure so we could get more followers,” Ellie teases. 

Lindsey laughs, but at least she’s a good enough best friend to smack Ellie lightly on the arm. 

Sonny flops down in her recliner, snagging the pillow off of it to throw at Caitlin, and then they’re all laughing. 

It’s not weird. It’s easy. 

Lindsey’s eyes dance with laughter as Sonny’s gaze meets hers across the coffee table. 

Sonny makes a show of rolling her eyes and Lindsey laughs harder. 

“Fine. Whatever. Here, I’ll take a picture of you losers now and post it,” Sonny declares, pulling out her phone. 

There’s no tightness in her chest. There’s no flush in her cheeks. 

This is normal. This is fine. 

She snaps a picture of Caitlin with her mouth full and Ellie crinkling up her nose and Lindsey smiling the most gorgeous kind of relaxed smile and she posts it with the caption, “Not Friends.”

(She rolls her eyes later when Caitlin comments, “LOVERRRRRRS” and Ellie comments, “Looking good, darlins”.

She forgets to breathe just for a moment when Lindsey comments, “You love us!”)

  
  


Their rhythm in practice has never been better. Every cross Sonny kicks finds Lindsey like it’s effortless. 

Every time Sonny pushes forward, Lindsey is there to support her, exactly where she’s needed to get the pass and get it on up to Sinc or to Tobin. 

Mark notices. “More of that!” 

Menges notices. “You two are on fire lately!” 

Tobin notices. She raises an eyebrow at Sonny as Sonny and Lindsey hug after Lindsey gets a header in just past AD’s fingertips off of a cross from Sonny. 

  
  
  


** _[Ms Kelley 7:48 p.m.]_ ** _ What’s up? _

Sonny frowns at the message. Usually Kelley jumps right to the point. They start conversations in the middle and work back if they’re confused. They don’t just randomly check in with each other. 

** _[Sonny the Kid 7:52 p.m.]_ ** _ Nothing….What’s up with you? _

** _[Ms Kelley 7:54 p.m.]_ ** _ How’s practice going? _

Tobin, Sonny thinks. It has to be Tobin. She’s said something and Kelley is going to ASSUME something and it’s going to make weirdness where there is none. 

** _[Sonny the Kid 7:55 p.m.]_ ** _ Fine… _

** _[Ms Kelley 7:56 p.m.]_ ** _ How’s Lindsey? _

** _[Sonny the Kid 7:57 p.m.]_ ** _ I don’t know. Text her? _

She tells herself her heart rate didn’t speed up at the question. She tells herself that Kelley doesn’t KNOW anything. She’s fishing in an empty pond. Sonny’s not going to bite. 

Her phone rings a minute later. 

“You don’t know?”

“Hi to you, too, Kel,” Sonny sighs into her phone. 

“Why wouldn’t you know? Didn’t you see her today?”

Sonny rolls her eyes. “Of course I did.”

“So how is she?” Kelley presses. 

She sounds amused and Sonny can picture the smirk on her lips. Sonny balls her free hand into a fist to keep her annoyance at bay. 

“You know you could have called her as easily as you called me if you’re so eager to know,” Sonny points out. 

“You know you could just answer instead of dodging the question over and over,” Kelley retorts, and she sounds smug, like she’s just made an incredibly insightful point, like Sonny’s going to be like “okay, you caught me”. 

She’s not. 

She hasn’t. 

“She’s fine, Kel. As far as I know she’s fine.”

Kelley sighs. Clearly this conversation isn’t going the way she wants it to anymore. That makes two of them, Sonny thinks. 

“Did you ever talk about it?”

The unease that grips her then is sudden, but Sonny plays it off. She keeps her voice level. She keeps her breathing even. She plays dumb. She’s good at that when she wants to be. “Did I ever talk about what with who?”

Kelley is not going to let her off that easy, though. She cuts straight to the point. (Finally.) “Did you and Lindsey ever talk about how you kissed?”

Sonny laughs and tells herself it doesn’t sound hollow. “It was just a stupid dare, Kel. I kissed Sammy, too, and I haven’t talked to her about it either.”

“Sammy isn’t Lindsey,” Kelley points out. 

“Those are some keen observational skills you’ve got there, Ms. Kelley. I can see why you got into Stanford now.”

“Don’t do that,” Kelley sighs.

“Do what?” Sonny demands. 

“Don’t deflect with a joke. Lindsey is-”

“It was just a dare. It was just a stupid kiss, Kelley. Stop reading into it. There’s nothing to read into.” 

The line is silent for a moment, and Sonny worries that maybe she snapped to quickly, maybe her annoyance showed her hand, maybe she’s pissed Kelley off. 

“Okay,” Kelley says. “If you say so.”

“I do,” Sonny insists. 

“Okay,” Kelley repeats. “Well, tell her I say hi.”

Sonny bites back the urge to tell Kelley to just text her herself, again. “Sure. Whatever.”

“Oh, Pressy says hi,” Kelley adds.

“Hi back,” Sonny replies. 

“Be good! Gotta go.”

The line is dead before Sonny can reply and she’s half thankful, half annoyed. 

She pulls up her chat history with Lindsey. 

** _[Dasani 8:15 p.m.]_ ** _ Ms Kelley says hi. _

** _[Linessi 8:16 p.m.]_ ** _ Weird. Wanna come watch a movie? _

** _[Dasani 8:17 p.m.] _ ** _ Be there in 5. _

** _[Linessi 8:19 p.m.]_ ** _ Bring popcorn. _

  
  
  


Kelley ruined everything. 

That’s what Sonny thinks as Lindsey snuggles in a little closer while Sidney Prescott answers the phone on the TV screen and Sonny’s whole side heats up at the contact. 

That’s what she thinks when their hands bump accidentally, both reaching for popcorn at the same time, and for once Sonny pulls her hand back rather than claiming the handful that is rightfully hers. 

That’s what she thinks when Lindsey jumps and clings to her just a little tighter as Ghostface jumps out with his knife and all Sonny can think is, “We’re so close”. 

Kelley and her stupid questions and her stupid comments have ruined everything. 

Everything was fine and everything was normal and nothing was weird and now-

Now Sonny can’t stop thinking about all the ways that Lindsey is not Sammy. 

  
  


Lindsey has the prettiest eyes. 

Sonny knows that people would argue with her on this. She’s seen Christen. She’s seen Alex. She’s seen Kelley. 

Lindsey’s eyes are stunning, though. 

Lindsey’s eyes are a mixture of green and blue and Sonny’s never quite sure which color stands out more on any given day. 

Lindsey’s eyes are bright and curious and full of mischief. 

Lindsey’s eyes pierce through her like no one else’s. 

  
  


“Earth to Sonny!” Kling waves her hand in front of her face .

Sonny blinks and refocusses. “Sorry, what?” 

“You all there today?” Kling asks. 

Sonny shrugs. “Who knows?” she asks with a grin that she hopes plays as normal. 

Kling laughs and Ellie snickers and Menges shakes her head with a fond smile. 

“We’re trying to talk defensive strategy here,” Kling tries to focus her. 

“Right. Sorry. Focused,” Sonny assures them. 

“Think you can take on Lindsey?” Ellie asks. 

Sonny’s mouth goes dry and her mind goes blank and it takes her a full three seconds longer than it should to comprehend the context to the question, and then she nods quickly to cover it up. “I’ll just distract her with my dazzling beauty and impressive wit,” she jokes. 

“That oughta work,” Kling replies with a smirk that makes Sonny feel like maybe she means something else after all. 

“It would if she had either of those things,” Ellie digs, and then the conversation is easy again. 

“Got more than you, young’un!” Sonny retorts. 

“In your dreams, Sonnett!” Ellie bites back. 

It’s easy and it’s normal and she needs to carry that into the scrimmage if she’s going to survive. 

  
  


She goes too hard. 

She goes too hard because she’s overcompensating. 

She’s overcompensating because she gave away an easy turnover because Lindsey has REALLY nice legs. 

Really nice, muscular legs. 

Really nice, muscular legs that look amazing in soccer shorts. 

“What the hell, Sonny?” Lindsey complains as Sonny sheepishly extends a hand to help her up. 

“Sorry,” she mumbles as Lindsey rubs at her thigh that she landed on. 

“It’s just a scrimmage,” Lindsey reminds her, annoyance still audible in her voice. 

“Yeah. I know. Sorry. I just- I got caught up.”  _ In your legs _ . 

“Take it easy next time, okay?” Lindsey says. 

“Yeah. Sorry. Again. I didn’t mean to go so hard.”

Tobin throws an arm around Lindsey’s shoulders. “You okay?” 

Lindsey nods and brushes herself off and Sonny looks anywhere but at Lindsey’s legs. Unfortunately anywhere ends up being Tobin’s face. 

Tobin is smiling. It’s not an unkind smile. It’s not a happy smile. 

It’s a knowing smile. 

“You okay, Sonny?” 

Not at all. 

“Yeah. Sorry,” she mumbles again. 

She went to hard because Kelley asked and Tobin smirked and because Lindsey has really nice legs. 

She went too hard because Lindsey really isn’t Sammy at all. 

  
  


Tobin invites her to dinner. 

She doesn’t want to say yes, but she doesn’t exactly want to say no, either. 

When Lindsey asks about hanging out for another movie night she finds herself saying, “Sorry, I’m hanging with Tobin tonight.” 

So here she is at Tobin’s kitchen table with Christen holding pasta sauce up on a spoon for Tobin to taste. 

Of course Christen is here. Not that Tobin had mentioned that when she’d extended the invite, but the Royals have a two week stretch between games so she should have known, really. 

Here, in Tobin’s kitchen, without the prying eyes of the media or potential run ins with fans, here with just the three of them, they can be themselves. 

Tobin and Christen as themselves is-

Well, today Sonny finds it nauseating. 

They’re cute. They’re coupley. They’re just so...LOUD. 

Sonny can practically see the neon sign above their heads flashing the word, “TOGETHER” over and over as Tobin leans in closer with a smile. 

Tobin hums contentedly, her eyes closing as she steals another taste of sauce from the spoon before Christen can snatch it away. 

Tobin grins her little half grin and looks up at Christen with such LOVE. 

Sonny looks away and chugs her glass of wine. Her appetite seems to have abandoned her. 

Tobin does a happy little dance as Christen shoos her away with a playful swat to her butt, and she’s still grinning like an idiot when she sits down at the table with Sonny. 

Sonny doesn’t make eye contact. 

Sonny doesn’t want to know what prompted the invite. 

Sonny wants to eat dinner and go home and pretend. 

Sonny wants to pretend until it’s real - until everything is normal and nothing is weird and Lindsey may as well have been Sammy. 

Sonny is out of luck. 

  
  


“You’ve been quiet recently,” Christen says. 

Clearly Tobin has left it to her to be the one to bring things up. 

Sonny rolls her eyes. “Is this about the social media hiatus thing? I really didn’t think you two would care.” 

Tobin clears her throat. “That, and -” She looks helplessly to Christen. 

“And you haven’t texted in group texts as much.”

“Or started as many,” Tobin adds. 

“And Kelley said -”

“Kelley is an idiot,” Sonny cuts in, annoyance overwhelming her far too easily. 

Christen and Tobin fall silent and look at her expectantly. No, worse, they look at her understandingly. 

“So you didn’t play truth or dare?” Tobin finally asks. 

Sonny rolls her eyes. Of COURSE, Kelley told them. Of COURSE she did. 

“It was just a stupid kiss. It was just a stupid dare. It doesn’t mean that I have feelings for her!” Sonny pushes back her seat and gets to her feet and it’s far more of an explosion than she’d meant. It’s way too big of a reaction and it belies her words. It’s obviously much more than Christen and Tobin were expecting. 

They don’t say anything, though. They offer supportive smiles. They wait for her to say something.

Well, they can keep waiting. She doesn’t want to say anything. She doesn’t NEED to say anything. She NEEDS to pretend like nothing happened and Kelley never said anything and Lindsey may as well be Sammy and she needs -

“I don’t WANT to like her.”

She collapses back into her seat, her legs no longer feeling like they can support her weight and all of the air feels like it’s been pressed out of her lungs. 

Christen smiles and Tobin pats her arm and all that does is make her feel worse so she buries her head in her arms on the table. 

“Sonny, I don’t think liking people works that way.” Christen’s voice is soothing, but it only puts Sonny even more on edge. 

“Yeah, well, the way it works is stupid, then,” she mumbles into her arms. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Tobin offers. 

“No,” Sonny grumbles. She sighs heavily and lifts her head. “Yes,” she admits quietly. “And no.” 

Tobin grins a sympathetic half grin like she gets it, and Sonny thinks about the years of pining between her and Christen and she thinks maybe Tobin DOES get it. 

There’s one very solid difference though.

Christen liked Tobin back. 

“No,” Sonny decides finally. 

“So what do you think of the sauce? It’s a new recipe,” Christen transitions easily, as if Sonny hadn’t just practically had a full on meltdown at the table. 

Sonny snorts and Tobin grins and dinner is actually okay. 

It’s normal. 

It’s normal right up until she’s saying goodnight and Tobin pulls her in for a hug and murmurs, “Offer to talk is on the table whenever,” right in her ear. 

  
  
  


She wants to be mature about this. She wants to be responsible and mature and professional. 

She’s had crushes before. 

It’s not a big deal. 

So they’ve kissed. So she has an unrequited crush.

So what? 

She has a job to do. 

She can be a grown up about this. 

She can face it and talk about things and move on. 

She wants to do those things.

She really, really does. 

She just can’t. 

  
  


Lindsey has the brightest smile. 

Lindsey’s smile is big and broad and genuine. 

Lindsey’s smile is free and offered easily. 

Lindsey’s smile at her across the field is a little crooked like she’s never seen it before and a tightness settles uneasily in Sonny’s stomach in response. 

  
  


It’s their bye week and Sonny could stay in town. She could be mature and talk to Lindsey about the weirdness that she doesn’t want to admit is now between them. She could hang out with Tobin and talk and work things out. 

Instead she boards a plane and steps easily into Emma’s arms when she picks her up at the airport. 

“Twin time?”

“Twin time,” Sonny agrees. 

  
  


They go to the movies. They look through their old yearbooks. They catch up on family gossip. They lie awake and pick out constellations in the stars like they used to when they were kids. They laugh at jokes that only they understand. 

Emma doesn’t press her and Sonny takes comfort in the fact that she’s with the one person that, no matter what, no matter where, just gets her. 

Her best friend. 

Her sister. 

Her twin. 

Her wombmate. 

Emma doesn’t press her right up until she needs to be pressed. 

  
  
  


“You haven’t been texting Lindsey much.”

It’s not a question, but the way that Emma looks at her lets her know she’s not escaping without an answer. 

“I kissed her.”

“And you realized you’ve been in love with her forever.” 

That’s not a question either and it hits Sonny square in the chest like a sledgehammer. 

“I’m not - I don’t - I -”

“You have always been a dumb when it comes to feelings,” Emma cuts her off. 

“You have, too,” Sonny shoots back. 

“Have not.”

“Have too!” 

“Have not and you’re not gonna change the subject, Emily Ann.” 

Sonny feels the words pressing down on her, suffocating her, squeezing all the air from her lungs. “I’m not in love with her,” she whispers, and already it feels like a lie. 

“How’d it feel when you kissed?” she asks. 

Sonny could ignore the question. She could lie. She could brush it off. 

But it’s Emma and she doesn’t lie to Emma even when she’s been lying to herself, so instead she says, “Like a little kiss had never meant so much.”

Emma smiles and pulls her into a hug. “That’s love, dumbass.”

“It’s like.”

“It’s deep like,” Emma counters into her shoulder. 

Sonny lets it go at that and Emma doesn’t bring it up again until she’s dropping her off at the airport. 

“You gotta tell her. You gotta know one way or the other, Emmy, or it’s gonna drive you mad and kill any chance at maintaining any sort of a healthy relationship with your best friend.”

“You’re my best friend,” Sonny shoots back. 

Emma laughs and gives her another hug. 

“Don’t be an idiot,” is her parting advice. 

  
  


Lindsey is so beautiful. 

She’s breathtaking in a way that Sonny’s not sure she’s ever truly appreciated properly. 

She’s tall and poised and her hair catches the light just so and her smile is bright and her legs are sexy and muscular and her laugh is infectious. 

Lindsey is so very beautiful and Sonny is so very sunk. 

  
  


“Truth or dare, Sonny!” Rose calls out. 

“I’m not playing,” Sonny replies, sipping on her beer. 

Kelley raises an eyebrow at her across the circle. 

“Aww, come on!” Rose complains. 

“Don’t you think it’s a bit...juvenile?” Sonny asks. 

“You didn’t mind last time,” Lindsey points out. 

Of course it’s Lindsey that points it out. 

Lindsey who she didn’t sit next to on the plane. 

Lindsey who she turned down the last two movie nights with. 

Lindsey who she can’t seem to connect a pass with this camp. 

(Lindsey who she’s in love with. Dammit, Emma.)

“Fine, whatever. Truth.” At least this way she won’t have to risk a dare. 

“Hmmm,” Rose hums as she taps at her chin, and then her face lights up. “Ooh! Okay. Have you ever had a crush on a teammate?”

Sonny doesn’t meet Kelley’s eyes. She DEFINITELY doesn’t look in Lindsey’s direction. 

That doesn’t stop the heat from burning it’s way up her cheeks in a blush. “I, uh, I mean haven’t we all?”

There’s a chorus of nos and nuh-uhs from Rose and Sammy and Mal. There’s a “Yeah” from Kelley and an “Obviously” from Tierna. There are so many answers coming from so many directions that it takes Sonny a moment to realize that Lindsey hasn’t said a word.

Sonny risks a glance. 

She has to. 

It’s not a want, but a need. 

But Lindsey is sipping her drink. 

Lindsey is sipping her drink looking entirely unbothered by this entire conversation. 

She probably shook her head no and Sonny just missed it. 

Her silence doesn’t MEAN anything. 

“So that’s a definite yes,” Rose declares. “Who?”

Sonny shrugs and wills her cheeks to stop blushing quite so damn much. “I answered the truth. Sorry. Them’s the rules.”

Rose rolls her eyes and Sammy tries to protest, but Sonny just shrugs again. 

Lindsey’s silence is deafening. 

Sonny pretends she doesn’t notice. 

She doesn’t dare look again. 

  
  


She can’t answer truth. Not when her turn comes around again. 

She doesn’t want to answer dare. 

“This is stupid. What about ‘Never Have I Ever’?”

“That’s stupid without booze and we will get killed if we show up for practice hungover tomorrow,” Mal counters. 

“It’s very informative,” Kelley points out. “It doesn’t have to be done with booze.” 

“I’m pretty sure I need to be drunk for it,” Lindsey volunteers. 

“You all suck because I have to be sober for all of these games,” Tierna complains. 

“Spin the bottle?” Sammy suggests. 

“Says the straight, married lady in the room,” Sonny points out, quick to nix that idea. 

“Come on, Sonny, just choose truth or dare,” Mal whines. 

Sonny doesn’t want either. 

“You know what? We should really get to bed-”

“Sonny, just do a stupid dare.”

It’s Lindsey. Again. Of course it is. 

“Fine, dare,” Sonny sighs. 

Would she do anything Lindsey asks, she wonders. She doesn’t want to know the answer. 

Mal seems to think for a while, and then Kelley leans over and whispers in her ear, and Sonny feels her heart start to race a bit faster. 

Mal considers whatever Kelley said for another minute before Rose flicks her in the arm and mutters, “Tonight, Mal.” 

“Fine. I dare you to kiss Kelley.” 

Kelley frowns like that was not what she’d suggested at all, but Sonny feels overwhelming relief. 

“Just because you want to make sleeping in the same room as her awkward tonight?” Sonny jokes. 

“And to make sure that Ms. Kelley thing isn’t really some kinky sex thing,” Mal shoots back with a smirk. 

Sonny wrinkles her nose and Kelley snorts and Rose makes a face like she hadn’t even considered that was a possibility. 

“C’mere, Ms. Kelley.” Sonny beckons coyly because this really IS easy. 

This doesn’t mean anything. 

This is two friends doing a stupid dare and it’s fine. 

She lays one on Kelley and she doesn’t think twice about it. She runs her thumb across Kelley’s bottom lip afterwards for good measure, for a good show, to tease the Ms. Kelley idea. 

It’s a joke, and Kelley laughs close enough that her breath falls hot on Sonny’s face and Sonny can’t keep a straight face for a second longer, so she dissolves into giggles. 

It’s a joke and Kelley laughs and she laughs and Tierna laughs and Rose groans and Mal rolls her eyes and Sammy says, “Get it Sonny,” and Lindsey-

Lindsey stands up and stretches and says she’s heading for bed. 

“My legs are NOT happy sitting on the floor any longer after the workout today,” she whines, rubbing them like they hurt, drawing Sonny’s eyes to them. 

God, Lindsey has great legs. 

“Party pooper!” Mal accuses. 

Lindsey just shrugs and waves and then she’s gone and Sonny feels like maybe-

No. 

She’s fine. 

Everything is fine. 

She’s going to get over her stupid crush on Lindsey and she’s going to happily kiss other people and everything is going to go back to normal. 

(She really hates this stupid game, though.)

  
  


“You’re an idiot.”

The accusation comes through the dark of the hotel room after Sonny had thought that Kelley was asleep. 

“Thanks. Love you too, Kel.”

“Did you notice who didn’t answer about having a crush on a teammate?” Kelley asks. 

Sonny doesn’t want to admit it, but Kelley’s not stupid. “She probably just shook her head.”

“She didn’t. I was watching,” Kelley replies. 

“Creepy,” Sonny accuses. 

She tells herself that her heart isn’t beating faster in her chest. 

She tells herself that her gut does coil in on itself uncomfortably at that news. 

She tells herself it doesn’t mean anything. 

She tells herself that Lindsey probably didn’t think the question was worth answering. 

“Have you talked to her yet?” Kelley asks. 

“About what?” Sonny plays dumb. 

Kelley’s heavy sigh lets her know it’s not appreciated. “The kiss, Sonny. Have you talked to her about kissing her yet?”

“ _ We _ kissed. Do we need to have a talk? I like you, Ms. Kelley, but I don’t  _ like _ like you.”

Sonny really should have seen the pillow coming as it lands on her face. “Ow,” she mumbles into it. 

“You want to play dumb, fine, but you’re going to drive her away,” Kelley warns. 

Sonny’s stomach twists into knots. 

Except Ms. Kelley isn’t right. 

Telling her. That’s what will drive her away. 

Hiding -

Well, she’s only hiding it until she can change it. She’s only hiding until it goes away. 

She’s only lying to herself until the lies can become truth. 

  
  


Lindsey laughs with Moe. 

Lindsey talks animatedly while she plays two-touch with Tobin.

Lindsey throws her arm around Christen as they walk to the sidelines waiting for their turn to come in. 

Lindsey talks with Kelley in a hushed tone on the far side of the field. 

Lindsey chips a ball over AD with a wide grin. 

Lindsey misses every single pass Sonny sends her way. 

It feels like it might mean something, but Sonny has no idea what. 

  
  


They win their game, but Sonny doesn’t share any field time with Lindsey. 

Lindsey is on with Kelley in the first half. 

Sonny goes on in the second half with Sammy. 

And Sammy isn’t Lindsey in oh-so-many ways. 

  
  


Sonny posts a picture with Kelley so that nobody complains about her lack of social media presence. They’re both making exaggerated pouty faces in their room just before check out. 

She captions it “Roomie Goodbyes”. 

She laughs when Kelley comments, “Don’t be fooled, I won’t really miss her.”

She grins when Caitlin comments, “Comin’ home, darlin! Can’t wait to see you!”

She waits and waits for a like or a comment from Lindsey that never comes. 

  
  


Sonny finds out about the movie night she was never even invited to when Ellie posts a picture of her and Caitlin and Lindsey cuddled on Lindsey’s couch with popcorn.

She tells herself it’s because she’s refused the last two.

She tells herself she would have turned down the invite anyway.

She tells herself it doesn’t hurt. 

(She tells herself it’s not getting way too hard to keep up with all the ways she’s lying to herself.)

  
  


Mark insists on a team bonding night. 

They’ve been off. Practices just aren’t running smoothly. 

It’s not just her and Lindsey, Sonny knows, but she feels responsible anyway. 

She kissed her and it meant nothing until it meant something and now everything has gone to shit. 

It’s a team dinner and then a trip to the batting cages. 

It’s a dinner where Tobin sits on one side of her and Kelli sits on the other and Dagny sits across the table from her and Lindsey’s laugh carries all the way down the table to where Sonny’s sitting, almost as far away from her as she can get. 

“Need to talk yet?” Tobin whispers in her ear.

“About what?” Sonny asks. 

“Okay. Suit yourself,” Tobin replies with a shrug after a long pause. 

She spends the rest of the meal pretending that she’s not internally screaming at herself to say yes. 

  
  


Tobin hits a ball well. It’s a surprise to absolutely no one. Tobin has more athletic ability in her pinkie finger than most people have in their whole bodies. Sonny’s pretty sure that Tobin’s never actually met a sport that she’s bad at. 

Sinc has surprising baseball skills, too. 

Caitlin spends more time spinning around with the bat as the ball whizzes past her than actually hitting it and Sonny has to join in with Ellie and Lindsey’s laughter. 

Hayley hits more balls than she misses, but only barely. 

Kling has more focus than Sonny expected, and squares up to the machine with a stance that almost looks professional. 

Sonny misses. She misses a LOT. She spins and she laughs, and the laughter makes it harder to focus. She pulls faces when she misses and it almost feels right. It almost feels normal. 

It almost feels like nothing is weird and nothing has changed. 

And then she locks eyes with Lindsey as she spins around. 

Lindsey’s eyes are crinkled at the sides and there’s a soft smile on her lips, but she’s not laughing the way that Caitlin or Ellie are. She’s not even chuckling like Tobin is. 

She IS watching, though. 

She’s watching with those beautiful blue-green eyes and a slight crease in her brow and a soft smile, and Sonny turns around and squares up and hits the ball better than she ever has. 

She tells herself that that doesn’t mean anything, but she’s stopped believing anything she tells herself. 

  
  


It’s been ten days without a text message from Lindsey. 

Not a “Bring me snacks”. 

Not an “I’m bored.”

Not a “Want a ride to practice?”

Not an “OMG you have to hear what Caitlin just said!”

Not a “Hi.”

Nothing.

Not a word for 10 days. 

And Sonny KNOWS-

She KNOWS that texting is a two way street. She knows that she could text Lindsey. She could make the first move. She could type words and send them off and Lindsey would read them. 

She doesn’t.

Lindsey’s silence is deafening and it’s just through her phone screen and Sonny feels like she’s slowly going insane. 

  
  


It’s 3 a.m. when she shows up on Tobin’s doorstep. 

Tobin’s wearing boxers and a crop top that Sonny is 90% sure is Christen’s and she’s groggily rubbing at her eyes and pushing messy hair out of her face. 

Sonny hasn’t slept yet. 

Sonny CAN’T sleep. 

She’s tried and tried, but all she does is toss and turn and wonder and imagine and berate herself for doing both of those things over and over and over. 

She wonders if maybe Lindsey’s feelings stray from the platonic.

She wonders if all of the silences and all of the weirdness exists for a reason. 

She wonders if maybe this has been there for both of them all along. 

She imagines talking to Lindsey. 

She imagines telling her the truth. 

She imagines Lindsey’s smile and Lindsey’s eyes and Lindsey’s lips on hers. 

She imagines Lindsey’s look of disgust.

She imagines her heart shattering into a million pieces. 

She tells herself she’s stupid for wondering and imagining and she rolls over to try to find a cool place on her pillow. 

“I need to talk,” Sonny says. 

She sees Tobin frown. She sees Tobin squint at her through bleary eyes. She sees Tobin sigh and step back and welcome her in. 

“You make some coffee. I’m gonna get my glasses,” Tobin mumbles through a yawn. 

  
  


Tobin doesn’t ask. She doesn’t start the conversation. She just breathes in her coffee and snuggles deeper into the sweatshirt that she’d pulled on and waits. 

“Got any Bailey’s?” Sonny jokes. Half-jokes. Booze would make this easier. 

Tobin just looks at her and Sonny sighs. 

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath and she tries to find the right words. 

She tries to find ANY words. 

She’s been pushing away words and feelings and truths for so long that she doesn’t even know where to start. 

Tobin sips at her coffee patiently, politely covering her yawns. 

Sonny mentally flails. 

“Lindsey,” she finally blurts out. 

Tobin nods. “I figured.”

Sonny doesn’t really know where to go from there and Tobin’s looking more groggy by the second. 

“You know, when I said the offer to talk was on the table whenever, I kind of thought it might be at a reasonable hour of the day,” Tobin finally says. 

Sonny deflates. She shouldn’t have come. She’s making a mess even bigger. She’s digging a hole so deep that she’s practically at the core of the earth by now. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t- I’ll go. Go back to sleep. I’m sorry.”

She tries to stand but there’s a firm hand on her wrist and Tobin is nodding at her spot on the couch as if to say, “Sit your butt back down.” 

“Sonny,” Tobin sighs. “You’re gonna explode.”

Sonny nods. “I know.”

“And Lindsey-” Tobin stops herself, but Sonny doesn’t want her to. 

“Lindsey what?” she presses. 

Tobin shakes her head. “You tell me, Emily.”

Tobin NEVER calls her Emily. Maybe that’s what jolts her into letting it all spill out. Maybe that’s why she finally just opens the floodgates and tells Tobin everything. 

(Maybe she just couldn’t hold it in any longer.)

“I kissed her.”

“I know,” Tobin says. Of course she knows. Of course Kelley told her. 

“I kissed her and I told myself it was nothing, but it wasn’t nothing and Emma pointed out that I’m in love with her and I told myself I wasn’t, but I am and she’s not. She’s Lindsey and she’d never- And I kissed Kelley and-”

“Wait, what?” Tobin cuts in. “You did what?”

“I...kissed Kelley? For a dare. They were all just stupid dares. None of them were supposed to mean anything. I kissed Kelley and it was fine and it meant nothing and I kissed Sammy and it was fine and it meant nothing, but I kissed Lindsey and my whole world turned upside down.”

“Sorry, when did you kiss Kelley?” Tobin asks. 

Sonny doesn’t know why this is what she’s choosing to focus on. Kelley isn’t the point. The point is Lindsey. “Last camp.”

“And Lindsey was there?” Tobin says, and it’s half a question and half a statement, but Sonny confirms it anyway. 

Tobin looks like she’s realizing something for the first time and she shakes her head and rolls her eyes and says, “Wow.”

“Kelley doesn’t matter,” Sonny explains. “I don’t have feelings for Kelley. I mean, like mentor/friend feelings, but not like I want to jump her bones feelings.”

“But you want to jump Lindsey’s bones,” Tobin says. 

Sonny feels her cheeks burn. She hasn’t thought it in those exact terms before. She’s always stopped herself from going beyond a kiss or a few tender touches. She hasn’t let her mind wander there. If her mind wanders there then there’s really no coming back. 

Except now her brain is there. 

Her brain is picturing pressing Lindsey into a mattress, kissing every inch of exposed skin. Her brain is imagining the sounds that Lindsey might make as she curls her fingers inside her. Her brain is thinking about how good she would feel and what she might taste like. 

Her cheeks burn so hot that she thinks they might actually catch on fire and she nods because she’s past lying now. 

“Have you thought about telling her?” Tobin asks. Her voice is soft, like she thinks that Sonny might startle at any second, and she’s probably not far off. 

Sonny shakes her head vigorously. “I can’t,” she croaks. Her throat feels tight and her swallows feel heavy and there’s this pressure on her chest like she can’t really breathe properly. 

“I don’t mean the whole jumping her bones thing. I just mean that you like her,” Tobin explains. 

Sonny shakes her head again. She has thought about it, but she can’t. She just can’t. 

Because if Lindsey knows then she can’t take it back. 

If Lindsey knows then Lindsey is going to react and there’s no way that reaction is going to lead to anything good. 

If Lindsey knows then it’s really REAL and that thought terrifies her most of all. 

“You can’t keep bottling it up,” Tobin says. 

“I’m not. I told you,” Sonny says, knowing it’s not enough and not at all what Tobin means. 

Tobin sighs and rubs her back and then she yawns. “I love you, but I need more sleep. You can stay on the couch if you want.”

“Thanks,” Sonny replies. She does and she finally sleeps. Not well. Not long. But it’s sleep, at least. 

She dreams of Lindsey. 

  
  
  


Dream Lindsey has soft lips and a sultry smile. 

Dream Lindsey has warm hands that wander over Sonny’s sides. 

Dream Lindsey has eyes that sparkle in golden light. 

Dream Lindsey has her moaning in minutes. 

Dream Lindsey has her waking up in a cold sweat with an ache between her legs that she refuses to take care of on Tobin’s couch. 

  
  


“You look sick.”

It’s the most direct interaction they’ve had in almost two weeks and it makes Sonny want to dissolve into the bench as she laces up her cleats. “Gee, thanks,” she mutters. 

Lindsey sits down beside her, and just her proximity is enough to set Sonny’s body humming. 

Sonny doesn’t look at her. She double knots her right cleat and sets to work on her left. 

“I just mean...Are you okay?” Lindsey asks. 

The concern in her voice makes a lump form in Sonny’s throat and she doesn’t trust her voice to answer so she nods instead. 

Her eyes focus on the weave of her laces. She focuses on the way her fingers seem to fumble as she ties them and then she has to start all over again. 

“You sure?” Lindsey asks. 

“I’m fine,” Sonny replies, but there’s a croak in her voice that undermines her words. 

“You look flushed.”

_ That’s because you’re sitting so close, _ Sonny thinks. She doesn’t say it though. She doesn’t say anything. 

And then Lindsey’s hand is on her forehead, and it’s warm and soft and it’s the most contact they’ve had in weeks, and Sonny’s mouth goes dry and her mind goes blank. 

She leans away quickly, her eyes going to Lindsey’s face. 

And that-

That’s a mistake

Lindsey is close and her brows are furrowed and her eyes are more on the green side today and her lips-

Her lips are turned down in a frown and they’re this rosy shade of pink and they’re glistening just a little bit like Lindsey licked them recently and-

-and they’re so very close.

Sonny can’t look at anything else. 

She can’t look at anything else and she KNOWS Lindsey notices because she sees the way that her lips purse together and the uneasy swallow that runs down her throat and she’s just stuck there staring. 

She’s not sure she remembers how to breathe anymore. 

“Hey, you guys okay?” Kling interrupts, and it’s enough. 

It’s enough to make Sonny jump back and look anywhere but at Lindsey. It’s enough to break whatever that moment was. 

It’s enough to make Lindsey stand up and say, “Yeah. Fine. Sonny’s just…” 

Sonny catches Lindsey’s shrug out of her peripheral vision and she finishes lacing her cleat with angry fingers and she stands and says, “Sonny’s fine. Are we gonna practice or what?”

She ignores the pointed look that Tobin gives her across the field. 

She goes too hard all practice and this time she doesn’t care. 

  
  


She crashes on Tobin’s couch for three nights. It feels like the only place she gets any rest and Tobin doesn’t question it. 

She crashes on Tobin’s couch for three nights because memories of Lindsey don’t haunt her at every turn in Tobin’s condo like they do in her own apartment. 

She crashes on Tobin’s couch for three nights and she dreams of Lindsey every night because she’s haunted no matter what she does. 

  
  


She goes out on a red card and she’s earned it and she knows it. 

She goes out on a red card for a reckless slide tackle that leaves Rosie limping through her next several runs. 

She goes out on a red card for taking out one of her best friends in the world. 

She goes out on a red card because she’s an idiot and she can’t deal with her fucking feelings and she hates herself for it. 

  
  


She doesn’t go home with Tobin. She can’t face her after the way the game went. She needs to do better. She needs to BE better. 

She goes home alone and she’s opening her door and then a voice stops her right in her tracks. 

“What the hell was that?” 

Sonny freezes, her hand on her keys and her keys in her door. She freezes and she racks her brain for a response and she comes up with nothing. 

“What was what?” 

She doesn’t turn. She doesn’t look at Lindsey. She’s not sure she can. 

“What the hell was that game?” Lindsey demands. 

Sonny glances at her out of the corner of her eye as she comes to a stop beside her. Sonny still hasn’t moved, but Lindsey is crossing her arms in a way that lets Sonny know that she’s not going anywhere without an answer. 

“It was-” Sonny doesn’t have an answer. Not one she can share. Not one she can give to Lindsey. 

She shrugs hopelessly, and turns her key in the lock and pushes her door open. 

“It just was,” she says before she steps through her door. 

She doesn’t close it behind her. 

Lindsey follows her inside and the door slams shut loud enough that Sonny flinches. 

“What the hell is ALL of this, Sonny?” 

“All of what?” Sonny asks, stopping to lean against the wall, eyes trained on the floor, on the wall, on anything that’s not Lindsey. 

“All of-” Lindsey stops herself and gestures around. “All of everything.” She says it in a resigned kind of way and she flops back against the wall that’s perpendicular to the one Sonny’s on, the opening of the entranceway standing as a glaring space between them. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Sonny says after a long moment where silence hangs heavy and her heart pounds in her chest so hard she thinks it might burst through. 

Lindsey is here. Lindsey is in her place. Lindsey is looking at her with accusatory eyes. 

Lindsey is here and Sonny can’t think. 

Lindsey shuts her eyes and sighs. Her head falls back against the wall with a thud. “I think you do.” 

She sounds tired, Sonny thinks. She sounds exactly as tired as Sonny feels. 

Sonny wants to know why. 

“Why haven’t we been talking?” Lindsey tries a different question. 

Sonny shrugs. Sonny shrugs and it’s a lie and she’s so tired of lying so she shakes her head a moment later. 

“Why didn’t you say yes or no to ever having had a crush on a teammate?” she asks before her brain can stop her. As soon as the question’s out she realizes that she doesn’t want to know the answer. 

“Do you have feelings for Kelley?” 

It’s that question that makes Sonny finally look up. It’s that question that makes her brows furrow and snaps her out of her discomfort. It’s that question that makes her truly see Lindsey for the first time in a while. 

“What?” she asks, but she doesn’t need it repeated. She needs to know why Lindsey looks sad and maybe a little bit shy. She needs to know why Lindsey is the one who’s avoiding eye contact now. She needs to know why Lindsey’s fingers are worrying the hem of her T-shirt. She needs to know why Lindsey shakes her head like she can’t bear to repeat it. “No.”

Lindsey looks up, then. “No?” she echoes. 

“No. Kelley? No. I- No.”

“Oh.”

“Why would you-?”

“You kissed her,” Lindsey says plainly. 

“I kissed  _ you _ !” Sonny says. 

And then it’s there. It’s there hanging between them and she can’t take it back and it doesn’t really mean anything. Not by itself. It doesn’t mean anything except that Lindsey is looking like it means everything and Sonny meant everything by it. 

It’s there and it’s out and it’s everything they haven’t talked about in three little words. 

“Oh,” Lindsey says again, but her tone is different now. Her fingers come to her mouth and touch her lips like she’s remembering. 

Her eyes meet Sonny’s and they’re so very green today and so very focused and Sonny can’t breathe. 

Lindsey pushes off the wall and takes a step towards her. 

“It was a dare,” Sonny says because she’s panicking and she can’t breathe and Lindsey is looking at her and she can’t dare look away. 

“It was a dare,” Lindsey agrees, but there’s a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips and she takes another step forward. “You didn’t - I thought - And then Kelley -” She stops and shakes her head like she can’t quite make her thoughts form a coherent sentence, and Sonny gets that. She really, really does. 

“Tobin said I needed to talk to you,” Lindsey says. “When I told her how I felt, she said, ‘Talk to Sonny’ and I told her it wasn’t that simple because -”

Lindsey swallows hard and Sonny’s trying to follow what she’s saying, but it doesn’t really make sense. How Lindsey felt about what? What did Tobin want them to talk about? 

“-Because you’re my best friend,” Lindsey finishes, and she takes another step forward. 

She’s close enough now that it wouldn’t take much for Sonny to reach out and touch her, but her hands feel glued to her sides and the wall feels like it’s holding her up, so she doesn’t move at all. 

“And Tobin asked me if it felt like we were best friends, and I didn’t get it because obviously- But then- And you didn’t talk to me and you kept saying no so I stopped inviting, and then you kissed Kelley like you meant it and I couldn’t- And then-”

Sonny really needs Lindsey to finish a sentence sometime soon because all of the half sentences have her head spinning and her heart hoping in a way that feels far too dangerous. 

And Lindsey takes another step towards her and she’s close enough now that Sonny can feel the air shift between them. Sonny’s breath is coming out shallow and her palms are clammy where she’s clenching her fists and her nails are digging into them almost painfully so that she doesn’t do something stupid like reach out and pull Lindsey in to her. 

“You could have really hurt Rosie,” Lindsey whispers, and her eyes are piercing into Sonny’s but she can’t look away. 

“I know,” Sonny replies in a hoarse whisper of her own. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Sonny?”

“Yeah?” Lindsey is so close and Sonny’s heart is beating so hard that she thinks Lindsey must be able to feel it through ripples in the air between them. 

“I’m gonna ask you a question, and I need you to answer it. I need you to actually say the words and I need you to be honest because- I just need you to. Can you do that?”

Sonny doesn’t want to say yes. Sonny wants to squeeze past Lindsey and run. 

(Sonny wants to ignore the question completely and pull Lindsey in and kiss her like she has no intention of ever stopping.)

She tries to swallow down the lump in her throat to no avail, and then she nods, just barely, but Lindsey sees it and it’s enough. 

“Okay.” Lindsey takes a deep breath and Sonny can smell the mint gum she must have chewed on the way home from Providence Park. “Here goes,” Lindsey says like she’s psyching herself up. “Sonny?”

“Yeah?” Her voice is barely there, just a croak, really. Her heart is beating so loudly in her ears that she’s not even sure she’ll be able to hear Lindsey’s question over it if she’s too quiet. 

Lindsey shifts even closer. She’s in Sonny’s space now and she can feel Lindsey’s breath on her face and she can smell her shampoo and she can see the way that Lindsey’s pupils are a little dilated, and Sonny thinks,  _ Oh. _

“When we kissed did your world turn upside down, too?” Lindsey breathes against her lips. 

“Too,” Sonny echoes. A little word that changes the entire question. 

Lindsey nods. “Too,” she confirms. 

Sonny smiles and it feels like the first time in forever. “Completely upside down,” she says as she threads her fingers through Lindsey’s hair. 

She doesn’t know who closes the distance between them and it doesn’t really matter because Lindsey said “too” and Lindsey’s lips are softer than she’d ever imagined, and Lindsey’s hands are on her waist and there is no space between them anymore. 

  
  


They kiss until they’re both breathless. They kiss until Lindsey’s tumbling back onto the couch and pulling Sonny down on top of her. They kiss until Sonny’s hands are under Lindsey’s shirt and Lindsey’s teeth are nipping at her lower lip and Sonny’s completely forgotten which way is up and what upside down even means. 

They kiss until Sonny gasps, “Go out with me,” against Lindsey’s lips. 

They kiss until Lindsey moans, “Of course,” and then follows it up with an affectionate, “Idiot.” 

  
  


Sonny’s never been this nervous for a date. Not ever. 

Christen tells her fifteen times that she looks good, that her outfit is perfect, that she hasn’t overdone it on the makeup. Christen tells her fifteen times that Lindsey will love the way she looks. 

Sonny doesn’t believe it until Lindsey opens her door and her eyes go wide and she breathes out a low, “Wow.”

Sonny almost doesn’t believe it even then because her brain is too busy short-circuiting at the expanse of skin on display between the white crop top that Lindsey has on and the skin-tight, ripped black jeans. 

“Wow,” she echoes back. 

Lindsey’s hair is down and she’s wearing large hoop earrings, and she has just the perfect hint of eye makeup to really make her eyes pop and just a hint of a glossy pink on her lips and Sonny’s not sure she’s ever been more attracted to someone in her life. 

  
  


Dinner conversation is awkward until it’s not. It’s awkward until the waiter manages to spill the little bowl of nuts on Lindsey’s appetizer plate * _ plop* _ into the pitcher of water making a far bigger splash than Sonny had expected. It’s awkward until they’re both laughing too hard to care and the waiter is attempting to mop up the water with inadequately absorbent napkins and mumbled apologies. It’s awkward until Sonny makes the waiter laugh too and gets a lap full of cold water, and she doesn’t even care. 

“You look really good tonight,” Lindsey says when everything’s been cleaned up and their meals have been mostly consumed. 

Her eyes dance in the candlelight and Sonny’s heart races. 

“Christen helped me pick out my outfit,” she admits. 

“Christen has good taste,” Lindsey says. 

Sonny feels Lindsey’s leg brush against hers under the table. It’s just a little bit of pressure, and Sonny doesn’t know if it’s an accident or not until Lindsey lowers her voice, leans across the table a bit, and says, “I have better taste.” 

Lindsey’s leg brushes against hers again with a little more pressure and her eyes drag down to where Sonny’s v-neck dips between her breasts and Sonny’s mouth goes dry. 

Lindsey’s leg brushes against hers and her foot slides up Sonny’s leg and Sonny needs them not to be at the restaurant anymore. 

  
  


Lindsey’s mouth is hot on her throat and Sonny’s shirt is on the ground somewhere in the living room and Lindsey’s shoes are kicked off haphazardly near the door, and they haven’t even made it to the bed yet. 

Lindsey’s fingers are tight on her hips and her breath is hot along Sonny’s jaw, and Sonny needs Lindsey to be wearing less clothes like now. 

“Linds,” she gasps as Lindsey sucks at her pulse point. “Fuck!” she groans, distracted as Lindsey’s fingers ghost up her stomach. “Linds -”

There’s a heated chuckle against her neck and then a “Yes?” murmured behind her ear. 

“Off!” Sonny demands, fingers tugging at Lindsey’s shirt.

Lindsey steps back just enough to comply and Sonny’s breath catches in her throat. 

She’s seen Lindsey in a bra before. 

She’s seen her in a sports bra

She’s seen her in various stages of undress. 

She has NEVER seen Lindsey in a lacey black bra while her hair is down and her lips are a little swollen and she’s panting heavily and her eyes are dark. 

Sonny shivers at the sight. 

“Fuck,” she murmurs again. 

Lindsey steps back a little more, her eyes locked on Sonny’s and she reaches behind her back and undoes her bra. 

Sonny’s eyes follow the straps as they fall down her shoulders, and then- 

Oh.

Oh wow. 

Lindsey smiles at her coyly and she curls her finger in an inviting way and Sonny has no choice but to step to her, to follow her to the bed. 

(She’d follow her to the ends of the earth right now.)

Lindsey sits on the edge of the bed and she hooks her fingers through the belt loops of Sonny’s jeans, guiding her forward, guiding her into her lap. 

Sonny straddles her and feels Lindsey’s breasts press against her stomach, and then Lindsey’s lips are on her chest and Lindsey’s tongue darts across her collarbone and Lindsey’s hands palm at her breasts through her bra and Sonny gets lost in the sensations. 

She knows she’s arching back. She knows she’s grinding down. 

She knows she’s letting Lindsey know just how much she’s affected way sooner than she’d meant to.

She can’t help it.

This isn’t just a stupid kiss and it isn’t just a stupid dare. 

This is Lindsey. 

It’s Lindsey unhooking her bra and tossing it aside. It’s Lindsey sucking her nipple into her mouth, hot and wet. It’s Lindsey flicking her tongue against it just right so that Sonny rocks her hips down and whimpers. 

It’s Lindsey laying her down on the bed and straddling her waist. 

It’s Lindsey looking up at her through long lashes, fingers tugging gently at the button on her jeans, asking permission without words. 

It’s Lindsey who gets her naked and then looks at her with more hunger than she’s ever seen on anyone. 

“You’re gorgeous!” Sonny gasps as Lindsey’s eyes drag up her body so painfully slowly Sonnny thinks she might burst. 

Lindsey shakes her head. 

Sonny sits up and scoots to the end of the bed. She presses kisses to Lindsey’s stomach, to her hip bone, across the top of her jeans. 

“You’re gorgeous,” she repeats into Lindsey’s skin as she unbuttons Lindsey’s jeans. 

“You’re gorgeous,” she whispers onto the tops of Lindsey’s thighs as she slides the jeans down Lindsey’s legs and she kicks them off. 

Lindsey pushes her back, hands gentle on her shoulders. She climbs back on the bed and guides Sonny up to the pillows. She presses Sonny into the mattress with her body, her leg pushing down between Sonny’s, her fingers ghosting up Sonny’s arms. 

She cradles Sonny’s chin in her hand tenderly and breathes, “No, that’s you,” against Sonny’s lips before she claims them with her own. 

  
  


Lindsey is stunning. 

She’s stunning in the way her hair splays on the pillow, framing her face. 

She’s stunning in the way her lips part in a low moan as Sonny’s fingers curl inside her. 

She’s stunning in the way her skin glistens with sweat and her chest rises and falls in heavy pants as Sonny works her up, thrusting harder, brushing her thumb over her clit just so. 

She’s stunning as she crashes over the edge, legs trembling, walls clenching around Sonny’s fingers, hips bucking off the bed, fingers tangled in Sonny’s hair, holding her close. 

Lindsey is the most stunning person she’s ever seen, so Sonny tells her over and over. 

  
  


“Truth or dare?” Kelley asks, a devilish grin on her face. 

She knows. Sonny knows she knows. She hasn’t told her and probably Tobin and Christen haven’t either…

Probably. 

She knows, though. Sonny can see it in the twinkle in her eyes and the smirk on her lips. 

“Dare,” Sonny says, feeling brave. 

Lindsey’s leg is pressed against hers and they haven’t really told anyone but they haven’t really said they won’t either. 

“I dare you to kiss Lindsey,” Kelley says. 

“Too easy,” Sonny replies. 

She looks at Lindsey, just for a moment, just to check that she’s as sure as Sonny is. 

Lindsey winks and bites her lower lip and Sonny pulls her in for a kiss. 

It’s not just for a stupid dare. 

It’s not just a stupid kiss. 

It’s not just a stupid night in a hotel room getting drunk with her teammates who whistle as the kiss gets a little bit dirty (because really they just can’t help themselves these days). 

It’s so much more than a dare. 

It’s so much more than a kiss. 

It means absolutely everything. 


End file.
